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If you don't laugh I'll eat my tripod...
Ok if your
ready the Riz bros are up to their olde pickin on granny night routine..must be boring in all the snow in Framingham..so
they sent me this email.. in case you think age discrimination is gone..think again..this is funny when your sharp like me..but
these guys try to make their point.. as usual.. have some fun you two.. at whose expense??? Your Yearly Dementia Test
It's
that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test.
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we
grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to
gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.
Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces
below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
1.
What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: "bread." If you said "toast,"
give
up now and do something else.
Try not to hurt yourself.
If you said, bread, go to Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk."
What
do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't attempt the next question. Your
brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World.
However, if you said "water", proceed to question 3.
3 If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house
is made from blue bricks and a pink
house is
made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made
from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," why are you still reading these???
If
you said "glass," go on to Question 4
4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet
over Germany (If you will recall, Germany
at the time was politically divided into West
Germany and East Germany ) Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail.
The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure.
Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's
land" between East Germany and West Germany . Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany , West Germany , or no
man's land"?
Answer: You don't bury survivors.
If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop.
If you said, "You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next question.
5. Without using a calculator - You are driving
a bus from London to Milford
Haven in
Wales . In London , 17 people get on the bus. In Reading , six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon ,
two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea , three people get off
and five people get on In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven.
What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!
Now pass this along
to all your friends
and pray they do better than you.
PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!
Angst you upset
about how the Church Right Wings can't seem to work together??? Anyone out there got a picture of the 20 mule team borax ad??? Does that picture make this point or what...you ain't gonna
get that brood to walk together without some heavy metal hard copy added to that concrete mixture.. no way hosea is a cyber link gonna
make that fire
happen...take it away Holy Spirit. How about some sweet ole fashioned humble pie..for turkey day..2008 cha..so stop your belly achin.. choich..
bible toten dust
in the wind..it ain't easy watchin it either..make em mad or make em glad. It's all about ??? Who?.
A friend just called to say she found a box of borax in
her cellar from 1991 the 100 aniversary of Borax with the mules two little kids cracking the whip ..love it
Posted September
24, 2008 J Aldrich, sent to me from Amy, and I know what book you will read next..
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of America, and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters
that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Enjoy!
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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No,
I just lie there.
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ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY:
What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How
long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't
know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat
the question?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or
a female?
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
The winner!
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead
at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
an autopsy on him!
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS:
No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY:
How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk
in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
THIS IS
A STORY ABOUT THE ABSENT MINDED POLICEMAN..copyrights on story to j aldrich..
OFFICER JJ IS ASLEEP, IN HIS BED
AFTER A BUSY WEEK, WHEN THE PHONE RINGS...JJ WE NEED SOMEONE ON TOZER ROAD TO TAG SPEEDERS..GRAB YOUR RADAR AND HEAD TO TOZER
..
JJ DUTIFULLY GRABS HIS UNIFORM STILL WARM FROM THE LAST SHIFT AND READIES HIS THINGS..
WHAT DID THE
BOSS SAY HE MUDDLES TRYING TO GRAB STUFF HEADING FOR DD'S TO WAKE UP.. TOZER, RADAR GUN, BRINGING THE TAZOR GUN AS WELL..HE
ARRIVES AT TOZER POSITIONING HIMSELF TO RADAR SPEEDERS FACE ON..
HERE COMES BUSINESS.. HE WAITS
FOR THE MOMENT AND SHOOTS...
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT IS A SURPRISE TO ALL, AS HE HAD GRABBED THE TAZOR MISTAKING
THE RADAR AND THE VICTOM PARRALIZED TURNS THE WHEEL HEADING STRAIGHT FOR HIM..YIKES
NEXT SCENE IS OFFICER JJ SUSPENDED
ON TWO LIMBS OF THE TREE THE PASSING MOTORIST HIT AMING AT HIM..JJ WITH LEGS UP AND WRAPPED AROUND THE TREE JUST MISSES
THE VEHICLE IMPALED ON THE TREE...A FEW HAIRS BENEATH HIM..
MORAL OF THIS STORY..AVOID SPEEDING..OR YOU MIGHT
BE SEEN BY THIS ABSENT MINDED POLICEMAN
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